he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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