she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
