hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
