...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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