She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
