why didn't you poke me back
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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