Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
