WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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