would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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