I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
