Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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