Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
