i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
