It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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