Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
