would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
