You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
