What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
