I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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