I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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