She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
