You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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