he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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