You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
