Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
