So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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