but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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