i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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