if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize