She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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