theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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