my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this is an emotional support booty call
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
