Im at strip club and am horny
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
