those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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