Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
