Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize