My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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