: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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