I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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