I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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