I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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