Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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