Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
