I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
