the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
