plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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