Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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