guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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