I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
