I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
