found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
