I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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