Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
