you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
