I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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