my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
