Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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