My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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