I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just cropdusted the office
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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