I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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