Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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