I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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