I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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